The “Can’t Be Bothered” Syndrome originates in Britain but is gaining widespread traction in America, the highest-taxed developed nation that was created to encourage freedom.
One of my sisters in Scotland is a business owner who helps accountancy firms manage and create actually interesting websites and delve into the murky realm of social media. (Profitable Firm—the title is reason enough to check out the site.) She’s an all-around businesswoman rock star who also battles fatigue.
Our world continually screams at us – “Do this. Do that. You’re not doing enough, being enough, if you just tried harder you could do better. You’re the fulcrum point of your entire existence and it’s all up to you!”
Aren’t you tired, just looking at those phrases?
1. Stop Listening.
- We’re constantly told (#JohnMaxwell) that we need to listen rather than talk. Listening to wrong or unhelpful things just drowns us in battles we don’t need to fight. Pick the battles that are important to fight, and learn to ignore the noise boxes around you.
2. Drop the Hard Work + Limitlessness Fantasy
- I reject this Tweet: “If someone’s working harder than you, you’re not working hard enough.” There’s always somebody smarter, faster, or better-looking than you are who gets better results (again, this is swiped from John Maxwell). There’s really no substitute for hard work, but fantasy-land thinking comes in when you think that there are no limits to the places you can go, things you can do, etc. Wisdom from Forbes’ writer Lisa Gerry on staying late and working weekends at her dream opportunity job: “Looking back, it’s obvious that my lifestyle wasn’t sustainable. But back then, I wore my workaholism like a badge of honor.”
- Sadly, all the sparkles and rainbows in the world aren’t going to counteract the fact of limited life spans and ongoing health issues. Humans can overcome a lot—thanks Bob Seeger)—the Romans and British Victorians thought they could banish poverty and health afflictions too. On the other hand, Jesus said that some perils of human life will remain until the end of the world. I’m inclined to believe the Man who was able to heal blind men and make the lame to walk.
3. Confront Stupidity
- The therapeutic idea is that endless listening will result in always understanding and better human communication, so realistically, no one is ever supposed to call out a bad idea, plan, or character. The way to do this with grace in your heart is to first to examine yourself for stupidity and error, and then point it out when you see it around you, so others are saved from walking down life’s dark alleyways full of pits. (Again, a paraphrase from Jesus.) Do that consistently, and you’ll be able to say with great conviction, “I’m not telling you anything that I wouldn’t tell myself.” If you’re stuck at the first point, you will not help others to avoid the pits. If you’re stuck at the second point, you’re being a finger-pointer who enjoys telling others off ‘for their own good’. (Do I tell this to myself? Of course. Regularly.) Be ready to accept hearing those words from others right back at you. This is a two-way street.
- Sometimes this means a “little relaxed conversation”, per a Success Consciousness blog
Sometimes this means actually saying what you’re thinking in a board room when you know you’re not the only one thinking it: “That idea will land us in a worse financial hole and big legal headaches. Who came up with it?” If possible, take the person with the gloriously inappropriate idea and talk to him by himself. If the group is getting swayed by a pretty silver-tongued devil, verbally klonk the devil on the head and let a fight break out. She might think twice before proposing a stupid idea again, and that’s a good thing.
4. Let Opportunities Pass You By
- If an opportunity is a really good fit for you, it will probably get recycled. You cannot spend all of your life chasing after this or that thing that Might Do Good and Might Be Better than whatever you’re working on right now. Unless there’s an aspect of nefarious activity surrounding your current work, stick with it unless and until you can grab ahold of something better without damaging your health or finances. (Have I ignored this sane advice from others wiser than me? You bet. Live and learn.)
5. Go Outside
- Leave at home the mobile and multi-tasking tools. Just go walk outdoors. If you live in a really ugly area, drive to a pretty area – and just walk. Don’t turn it into a productivity session. If you like to run, strap on your shoes and Lycra shirt, and go. Let your brain free from this mantra: “I have to be doing something GREAT every second.” That kills creativity, and the unending Superman or Superwoman stress really is a killer. Leave the world behind. It will be just as screwy as it was before you left the house or office.
- Maybe you’ll get a world-changing idea in the outdoors, or contract a mad desire to become a farmer and live a simple life (I’m bit by the Sustainable Farming Bug! I admit it!). When we’re surrounded by machines all day, we tend to mirror our association. Get in touch with your human side by walking in a natural environment that both admits your superior brainpower, and also tells you how small and helpless you are. It’s a great perspective-generator.
6. Ask For Help
- If you’re the praying kind, there’s no time like the present. If you’re not, at least ask for human help. I know, we’re all supposed to be able to handle everything ourselves, use the old bootstraps, and just get on with it. I love those movies too, where the hero is some mid-level executive manager who pushes around papers with his stapler for a living, and somehow turns into a Navy Seal after a week of chasing around professional thugs and hit men. Go Seals. They never stop training.
- Even actors have to train for years, in karate and judo and unpronounceable cool skills, to stage those 30-second fight scenes; their stunt men are similarly skilled. Ask friends or neighbors or those people who are constantly asking you for help, and get rid of the unhealthy idea that you’re all alone and what’s the use of anything.
7. Do Nothing For a While
- This may be the hardest part. When you have felt for months that nothing would be better than to throw the covers over your head and moan, maybe you need to do that. [Note: I am not a trained counselor, so don’t take this as imperative advice.] If the mouth filter is coming off, and you find yourself yelling at spouse and children because they’ve done that ONE thing that you just hate – the pillow is your friend. Sure, you could do 5,000 things to ‘get yourself better’, but there’s no substitute for nothing. Even land gets overused and burnt out sometimes, and refuses to produce a crop. If your projects and relationships are suffering, rising 30 minutes early to mark things off of your to-do list will just deepen the problem.
- Take off a few days or weeks, if you can afford it. If not, cancel your evening plans for a month and just sit around the house. (More than that might get you into a bad pattern, so set a time limit.) Turn off Facebook, turn off Twitter, and don’t check personal email. Your real friends will understand you bowing out of the world for a while. Needy people will start to look elsewhere.
- Three days is a teaser, just enough time for your system to actually slow down. Lack of time does not help to heal significant wounds. If you don’t take the time to heal, you might end up in the hospital or a long, dark struggle to ‘keep everything together’. Accepting the fact that you can’t keep it all together might be a really freeing idea.
Final Note for Extroverts:
I realize that most of these tips apply to introverts. If you’re an extrovert and you’ve read to the end of this post and you’re irritated (“most of this doesn’t apply to me!”), I do apologize. Please feel free to suggest any tips that you’ve found helpful, or blogposts.
8. The Lite Version
Ignore any less-than-vital meetings or networking opportunities, and recharge with people you actually want to be around. Having to be ‘on’ for unimportant people will suck out the ability to have those flashes of brilliance for the important tasks or people. Take out some anger in a new kickboxing class, or organize that one area of the house that always irritates you, or have a beer with a really peace-loving friend. They will let you vent, or just laugh with you about really silly things. If you don’t feel like talking, go to a movie or host a movie-watching night – one that you already know and love. That may distract your brain enough not to think for a while.